Love Languages

love languages

Have you ever needed a hug because you felt a bit blue, but your spouse gave you a pep talk instead? Or perhaps you tried to cheer your partner up by buying them an expensive gift, but it only resulted in another argument? According to Gary Chapman, Ph.D., the problem is that you and your partner don't speak the same love language.


The theory of five love languages has been around for three decades already. Chapman developed it after years of working as a counselor because he noticed many couples having the same issue — miscommunication. Basically, he says that each of us predominantly expresses and recognizes love in one of five ways. So, if your partner doesn't "speak" the same love language as you, you are bound to miss the little signs of affection they send your way, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.


But what are the five love languages? How can you use them in your relationships? Read on to find out!


What Are the Five Languages of Love?


Love languages are five communication styles that people use to show love and appreciation. They are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service. Generally speaking, we use all of them in our everyday lives. However, we better understand and notice one or two languages that feel most natural to us.


Learning your love language can help you better understand your needs and communicate them to your partner. Moreover, if you recognize which language of love your partner speaks, you'll be able to understand them better and make them feel loved.



Physical Touch


Do you like hugs, kisses, cuddles, and holding hands? Perhaps you have a need to be physically close to people you love, always touching them in some way? When someone close to you is in pain or sad, do you get an urge to hold them and kiss the pain away? If all that sounds familiar, chances are your love language is physical touch.


Having physical touch as your love language is great because it really doesn't take much to make you happy. Plenty of hugs, kisses, massages, and sex can help you feel safe and loved. But keep in mind that not everyone likes to be touched as much as you. So make sure to explain to your partner why you are fondling them all the time.


On the other hand, if you have a partner who desires physical contact above all else, you don't have to invest a lot of money or time to show them your affection.

Holding their hand often and stealing a kiss every time you walk by is more than enough!



Words of Affirmation


The only spoken language of love is words of affirmation. If you thrive under compliments, encouragement, praises, and I love you's, then you probably speak it too. That's why you want your significant other to leave you love notes on a mirror, send you cute messages throughout the day, and tell you how beautiful you look every day.


Does that sound more like your partner than you? In that case, don't hold back on compliments and kind words. You should, however, avoid criticism as much as possible. Words can really hurt people with this love language.



Quality Time


Do you enjoy spending time with your partner the most? It doesn't really matter if you are working out, making dinner, or just talking — as long as you are doing something together. Quality time is a love language that asks for someone's full attention, no phones, and no distractions.


If this is the way you express love, make sure to explain it to your partner. Otherwise, you might come across as clingy.


For a partner who appreciates quality time spent together, you might want to clear the schedule every once in a while and completely devote yourself to them. Think in terms of weekend getaways and evening walks.



Receiving Gifts


Simply put, you love presents. But it doesn't necessarily mean expensive things. What you recognize as love is the time and effort someone took to find something you'd like and buy it for you.


Does your partner adore gifts? Make sure to mark every special occasion with a physical and meaningful gift. That said, don't forget about "just because" presents, like a flower on your way home from work.



Acts of Service


Having acts of service as your love language means that you feel loved when someone helps you out. For instance, when your partner does laundry or makes dinner, so you don't have to. Basically, unlike those who prefer words of affection, you need actions to back the words up.


If you have a partner who recognizes love this way, remember that you don't have to do all the chores to make them happy. They want to do the same for you. So, include other acts of kindness, like making them coffee in the morning or ordering takeout when they feel too tired to cook.





Learning which language you and your loved one use to express affection can have many benefits. You will start noticing the little acts of love more easily, which will, in turn, make you feel more appreciated. Likewise, you will know how to show love to your partner in a way they will understand and accept. In the long run, doing so will help you strengthen your relationship and avoid unnecessary conflicts.

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