Between work, kids, social and family commitments, and all the other things occupying a couple’s busy schedule, finding time for intimacy can feel impossible.
Maintaining a healthy level of intimacy not only enhances emotional and physical wellbeing in a relationship, it builds trust and improves individual health and longevity.
When life becomes overwhelmingly busy, couples can struggle to find moments to connect, let alone keep the spark alive. Luckily, with the right tools finding time for intimacy can become second nature.
Here is a little bit of background and some ideas for busy couples looking to carve out time for intimacy.
Why is Sexual Wellness Important?
Sexual wellness goes beyond time in the bedroom, it encompases emotional, physical, and social well-being in relation to sexuality. How we think, feel, and communicate about our sexuality and desires affects our self-confidence, mood, and, ultimately, relationships.
A 2016 study published in Psychology Today found that increased moments of intimate focus between partners is linked to greater relationship satisfaction. Which makes perfect sense, the more intentional time spent getting closer to a partner leads to a stronger connection and happier relationship.
But is it really that easy?
Improving sexual wellness doesn’t necessarily mean more sex, instead it asks couples to look at the quality of their sexual and intimate interations. Getting curious about their emotional connection, exploring physical touch, and a willingness to be vulnerable with each other - all as a means to strengthen their bond.
When life gets busy, it’s easy to skip over these moments entirely, viewing them as less important or forgetting them entirely. However, cultivating sexual wellness and creating intimate moments are crucial to a busy couple’s relationship.
What Happens When Couples Neglect Intimacy?
Feeling in sync with a partner begins with regular intimacy.
When intimacy takes a backseat, misunderstandings, emotional disconnection, and a lack of overall satisfaction can overwhelm relationships.
Research consistently finds a decrease in intimate moments lead to worsening communication and feelings of distance.
All forms of intimacy, big and small moments, serve as nonverbal communication, helping partners to get closer through mutual comfort and vulnerability. Often, the absense of physical intimacy is interpreted as rejection, leading to patterns of poor communication and detachment.
A 2020 study published in National Library of Medicine found that couples who experienced sexual dissatisfaction were more likely to report conflict and communication issues, leading to a gradual erosion of trust and affection.
By making time for intimacy, couples not only grow together, they release oxytocin and endorphins regularly - hormones which reduce stress and promote bonding. These hormones help us to naturally feel comfortable with a partner, allowing their presence to dampen the pressure of everyday life.
The Challenges for Busy Couples
Esther Perel said, “Even people who look foreward to being sexual with their partner must go through a transition from responsibility to pleasure.”
Life is complicated and day to day responsibilities can be exhausting. Intimacy can seem like a chore rather than something we get to do.
Busy couples returning home from a long day feel drained, making it difficult to initiate or even think about intimate moments.
Sometime, prioritizing intimacy can feel selfish - as if by prioritizing a romantic relationship means sacrificing time with children or neglecting other responsibilities. Over time, ignoring a need for intimacy can become a hard habit to break.
Without active efforts to cultivate sexual wellness, the emotional distance can become an increasingly difficult gap to bridge.
Strategies for Creating Intimacy
A busy lifestyle does not mean the end of intimacy. Even when time is limited, couples have many practical strategies in their tool box to reconnect and improve their relationships. Here’s how:
1. Communicate!
Improving any aspect of a relationship begins with communication.
Begin with an honest conversation about needs, desires, and schedules. It doesnt have to be serious, it’s mainly an opportunity to express feelings of neglect or disconnection.
Chances are, if one partner is craving intimacy, the other probably is, too. Use this conversation to mutually prioritize intimacy, make it a share goal.
By commiting to intimacy as a priority and discussing its current role in a relationship, couples will have an easier time finding a solution that works for both of them and their busy schedules.
2. Schedule "Date Nights" or "Intimacy Time"
Incorporate the idea of ‘escaping together’
While scheduling sexy time may not seem romantic, it’s an effective way to reintegrate intimacy into a busy schedule.
Setting aside a specific day of the week, or evening, for connection helps to make intimacy a habit. Any awkwardness from with penciling in a significant other will fade into excitement - knowing that time together is a guaranteed part of the week.
"Date nights" don’t have to involve elaborate plans or expensive outings. Instead, they can be as simple as a quiet dinner at home, a movie night, or even a walk through the neighborhood.
The goal is to create a relaxed environment where both partners have each other’s undivided attention - allowing the moment to grow.
3. Embrace Micro-Moments of Intimacy
Intimacy doesn’t need to be confined to one slot of time each week. Couples share small, intimate moments throughout the day that are worth celebrating.
Lingering hugs, a kiss goodbye in the morning, or even grocery shopping together - an experience big or small that makes a couple feel present and together is worth noticing.
These moments build a foundation of comfort and ease with intimacy and can lead to more consistent sexually intimate moments. And more small moments shared consistently will foster a greater overall feeling of intimacy.
A few ideas for Micro-Moments of Intimacy are:
- Waking up 5 minutes early to cuddle each morning
- Kissing each night before bed (it can be a small kiss or something bigger)
- Checking in via text each day or sending an affectionate message
- Pausing to ask how their day was, giving them undivided attention
4. Create Rituals for Connection
Incorporating rituals, or routines, that cultivate intimacy can be extremely helpful for busy couples. This is very similar to creating ‘micro-moments’ of intimacy, except with the goal of making them a daily practice.
Rituals can include enjoying morning coffee together, bushing teeth together every night, or cooking dinner together regularly.
Consistency creates shared experiences and memories that strengthen emotional bonds, leading to improved sexual wellness.
Ritalizing moments signals to each partner that this time exclusively for each other, making the transition from a busy life to intimacy easier.
5. Address Self-Care and Personal Stress Management
Many busy couples can trace their intimacy issue back to stress and fatigue from an overwhelming lifestyle.
Physical and mental healht make it’s easier to be intimate, to communicate effectively, and to consider another’s needs. Self-care ranges from exercise, to meditation, to simply taking time to recharge.
Couples may find that practing self-care together can be a catalyst for intimate moments. Go to yoga, get a couples massage, or take a bath together. The best part is doing it together.
6. Use Technology Intentionally
as a way to communicate when apart and to create distraction-free quality time
Technology is a life-saver for busy couples. It enables them to stay in touch and check in through out the day.
It also serves as yet another distraction.
Whether it’s emails coming through after hours or doom-scrolling Instagram, connection is not a priority. By setting down the phone and focusing on each other, even for just a few minutes, feelings of neglect and rejection can dissapate - leading to greater connection.
On the flip side of the coin, technology can cleverly be used to integrate intimacy while apart. Sending flirty texts or voice notes, maybe outfit of the day photos or spontaneous selfies, these are all chances to get excited and feel a spark while conquering the day.
Conclusion
Life happens, and it can be hectic. Prioritizing sexual wellness often seems challenging for busy couples, but it’s vital to the health and happiness of a relationship. By recognizing the importance and desire for intimacy, embracing small moments, and making time for intimacy, couples can maintain and strengthen their bond.