The New Monogamous — Redefining the Rules of the Relationship

the new monogamy

The only rule is that there are no rules anymore. Today, a monogamous relationship can mean many things, only one thing, or anything you, as a consenting adult, want it to mean.


So, being monogamous can imply that you will marry one person and stay faithful to them for the rest of your life. Or that you will divorce them before death do you part because they don't fulfill your sexual and emotional needs. It can also mean that your relationship is honest and long-standing — but it includes more than one partner.


New monogamy is a type of long-standing relationship in which you acknowledge that you and your partner might not meet each other's emotional and sexual needs all the time. Moreover, it states that being with someone other than your partner doesn't mean infidelity and failure.


In such “monogamish” relationships, the primary couple stays together but leads separate lives, has other partners, and has a unique brand of monogamy. All this seems pretty honest, adult, and mature. But can such couples really have it all? Can they have their cake and eat it too?


The New Sexual Revolution?


The level of sexual openness we can see today strongly reminds us of the famous sixties, and a movement called the "sexual revolution." During that time, the swinging generation had paved the way for a new sexual openness. What is more, it made a crack in the foundation of monogamy. Can the same thing be happening now? Are we on the way to finally bring down monogamy as we know it?



What Is the New Monogamy?


This new wave of the sexual revolution, the revolution of monogamy, is based on the principles of trust and transparency. People no longer have to hide from their partners, have affairs on the side, or behind their partner's back. It's quite the opposite, actually. They can have a steady relationship and multiple partners — all out in the open, with support from their significant other.


The new monogamous is a partnership of more than one adult. Its key principles are honesty, integrity, and trust. So, it's not about sex and swinging. Rather, it's about creating deep and meaningful relationships with multiple people at the same time.



But How Does It Work?


Being in such a monogamous relationship means that your partner has to give you their consent before you can find someone new. Or not. Maybe you can have as many partners as you want. The only rules that apply are the ones you've decided on with your partner.


Your relationship group can have three, four, five, or as many adult people as you want. So, it's like taking the traditional long-standing relationship and adding more flavours — partners, — and then shaking and stirring it all. That is how you get your ideal love life.


Each polyamorous group has different expectations. Still, there are some basic rules that keep things together, like mutual respect, good communication, and honesty. These are important because they protect everyone involved from getting hurt. Basically, it's about loving and committing to more than one person.


People who are already a part of new-style monogamous relationships say there's no rulebook. You just have to follow your feelings and needs and respect others as they do the same. However, it doesn't come easy or naturally at first. Sometimes, it can take years to adjust your expectations.



It Can Get Complicated


If you decide to venture on this journey, you will have doubts and questions, and there are going to be some things you didn't think of beforehand. You will encounter a lot of differences compared to other forms of relationships. But you must talk to your partners and discuss everything until everyone is on the same page.


In some ways, new monogamy requires more skill than a traditional monogamous relationship. More people involved means that everything is a bit more complicated. There are more emotions and more people that can get hurt. Sweeping under the rug, not knowing when to stop talking and start listening, or not expressing your feelings and needs can cause everything to collapse.


But those who succeed say they thrive under the flexibility, honesty, and freedom new monogamy entails. And if it doesn't work, that's okay too.




Being a part of a loving and open, polyamorous relationship like this sounds amazing. Moreover, the amount of love and support that the people involved can give and receive looks even better. That's why we need more people telling their stories about new monogamy to the world.


But although new monogamy is already a part of today's society, people are still struggling to accept this idea. So, sadly, there's a stigma surrounding such relationships. And this needs to change. Commitment no longer equates to monogamy, and we should try to accept that.


“Monogamish” relationships are a valid choice for an adult —  not just a kink or a form of cheating. Therefore, society needs to move a bit to make room for this new lifestyle.




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