Picture this: you’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks, and things have been going well. Your conversations are enjoyable, you’re compatible, and there’s even that physical spark that’s often hard to find.
Then, right in the middle of dinner, they do something seemingly inconsequential — pronounce a word odd, laughed too loudly, told a bad joke. Suddenly, you’re overwhelmed with a strong sense of discomfort and revulsion, and you just know: you’ve gotten “The Ick”.
For some, “The Ick” is just a momentary phase that leaves as quickly as it arrives. But for others, it’s an instant red flag that pushes them to leave their potential partner and move on.
So, what is “The Ick”, really? And, even more importantly, how do you know if it’s a serious red flag or just a fleeting irritation? Read on; we’re about to break it all down for you.
What Is “The Ick” and Where Does It Come From?
Although “The Ick” might feel like a complete mystery, it is a phenomenon deeply rooted in both psychological tendencies and external (societal) influences.
Psychologically, “The Ick” typically stems from personal insecurities or baggage that each person brings into a relationship. For instance, many people use getting “The Ick” as self-protection, creating distance between them and their partners to avoid getting hurt in the future.
In such cases, they latch onto “The Ick” as a way to distance themselves from the relationship. So, “The Ick” often has little to do with the partner and more to do with their own mindset.
However, it is also important to recognise that “The Ick” is also tied to societal concepts of modern dating and expectations, as well as the influence of social media.
Nowadays, everyone is presented with carefully curated images and descriptions of ideal partners and perfect relationships. The result of consuming such content is that people often compare their partners to unrealistic and idealised standards. “The Ick” is what happens when the partner inevitably fails to meet the already mentioned unrealistic expectations.
So, before deciding if “The Ick” is a valid reason for calling it quits, it’s essential to examine where it comes from. That way, you’ll know if your partner deserves a chance or if running for the hills is the way to go.
Signs That “The Ick” Might Just Be a Phase
As we have already mentioned, “The Ick” is sometimes nothing more than a momentary issue that disappears as suddenly as it presents itself.
To begin with, sometimes it’s not “The Ick” itself that triggers discomfort, but rather your own state of mind. Do you only experience “The Ick” when you are stressed, upset, or dealing with any other negative emotions?
In such cases, it is easy to understand that the little quirk that bothers you is not the real trigger for your negative emotions. Instead, it is your emotions driving the discomfort, and taking a step back and recognising this might be all you need to move past it.
Next, you should also remember that doubts are a natural part of every relationship — especially in the early stages. You’re both still getting used to each other’s habits and quirks, so it’s important to give it time and be patient.
Lastly, it is crucial to look within when examining why you might have “The Ick”. Are your partner’s quirks really bothering you, or are you getting scared of the connection and trying to avoid future heartbreak?
In addition, self-reflection is especially important if you have a history of avoidant attachment. So, take some time to examine the sources of your discomfort — it might reveal some rather interesting facts.
When “The Ick” Is a Genuine Red Flag
While “The Ick” might be a harmless quirk or a sign of personal insecurity, it can also be a clear sign of deeper issues.
For example, if the revulsion you feel is not connected to little quirks alone but to your partner's values and core personality traits, it might be a sign of actual incompatibility. After all, there is a big difference between being annoyed by how someone eats spaghetti and disagreeing with their views on human rights or family.
Likewise, if “The Ick” is a frequent feeling that you just cannot shake, you can treat it as a red flag. Namely, and as we have mentioned, this sensation typically passes quickly and is tied to small, inconsequential traits.
However, if it persists no matter how much time passes — or if it gets worse — it is worth examining further. In such instances, trusting your gut is pivotal. Sometimes, our bodies and subconscious can sense important information before our minds do, and it’s crucial to pay attention to those feelings
All in all, if you and your partner have completely different wishes and values or constantly feel uncomfortable around them, chances are that “The Ick” is just proof that yours is not a healthy match.
Getting Past “The Ick”: Tips & Tricks
If you find that “The Ick” is just a phase you need to work through, we’ve got you. There are a couple of steps you can take to get past the discomfort with time.
First, open communication is absolutely essential. More often than not, discussing small issues openly can go a long way in easing tension and shifting your perspective.
If you are embarrassed or don’t want to hurt their feelings, you don’t have to mention “The Ick” specifically. Just talk about how you feel and where these feelings are coming from and seek empathy and understanding.
Another helpful strategy is to reframe your partner’s quirks and traits in a more positive light. Instead of treating them as a nuisance, look at them as features that give the person you care for character and make them who they are. With time, you might even grow to love them for precisely these traits!
Embrace Your Feelings — But Examine Them Too
While navigating “The Ick” is often challenging, it is also an opportunity to dive deep into your emotions. Whether “The Ick” is just a phase or a serious red flag, what matters most are your feelings, intuition, and self-awareness.
If “The Ick” passes with time, it is just a momentary sensation you shouldn’t worry about too much. And if it persists and doesn’t lessen, it is a legitimate concern and even a red flag.
In the end, relationships are about compromise and learning to love every part of someone, quirks and all. The key to staying true to yourself is simple: embrace your feelings, reflect on them, and know when to trust your instincts.