Sex after Menopause
Despite the saying that the brain is a woman's most important sex organ, we can't ignore the role our bodies play, especially as we age. For satisfying sex, we need various factors to come together, including arousal, desire, capacity to orgasm, and the lack of discomfort. However, after menopause, our bodies change, making it more difficult to become aroused. Due to changes in hormones, intercourse becomes more painful, and sometimes it's impossible to climax.
Read our article about dealing with painful sex
So, it's no surprise that many women shy away from sex and avoid intimacy altogether after a certain age. But just because nature didn't intend for women to have sexual intercourse after menopause, it doesn't mean we have to agree — we only need to be more creative about it. Here’s how to have better sex after menopause!
Increase the Wetness
Menopause causes the testosterone and estrogen levels in your body to decrease. For this reason, you might have issues with vaginal irritation, dryness, swelling, and vaginal atrophy (thinning of vaginal tissue). After menopause, many women start experiencing pain or discomfort from penetration on a regular basis.
Lube is a quick and easy solution you can use to increase wetness. Every time you have sex, you should put it in your vagina, on your partner's fingers and penis, or on a sex toy. That will alleviate vaginal dryness, which can cause friction during intercourse.
Water-based lubricants are always a good choice, but they quickly wear off. So, you will probably have to reapply often during sex. On the other hand, silicone-based kinds last longer but are more expensive. You should also be careful not to use them with silicone toys because they will cause some damage to the material.
Furthermore, keep in mind that some kinds of lube may contain chemicals that cause irritation and burning. So, you might want to avoid lubricants that contain parabens, glycerin, chlorhexidine, propylene glycol, flavors, perfumes, or ingredients that cause warming or cooling. Also, using petroleum jelly, olive, mineral, and baby oils as vaginal lubricants is not a good idea. They can irritate the skin, cause allergic reactions, infections, and damage condoms.
Try Moisturizers
You can buy hormone-free moisturizers over the counter. Apply them every two to three days if you want all-day moisture. An additional benefit is that they can rejuvenate the tissue in and around your vagina.
But if you are looking for a more natural solution, know that some ladies choose coconut oil and vitamin E to increase moisture. Usually, these are not harmful to your skin. However, no studies have been conducted to determine how they affect the skin and tissue inside or outside of your vagina.
What's more, oils tend to stay on the skin for a long time, giving bacteria a chance to multiply. As a result, you can develop different infections.
But no matter what kind of moisturizer you opt for, remember that they might leak. So, you should wear protective underwear or use them at night.
Consider Meds
If moisturizers and lubes don't ease your symptoms after a few weeks, you can ask your doctor for some meds. A physician can prescribe you medications like vaginal estrogen, estrogen-like drugs, vaginal DHEA, or HRT (hormone replacement therapy). However, keep in mind that all drugs have side effects. For this reason, make sure to inform yourself before making a decision.
Use Yoga and Meditation
Yoga and meditation are known to help with libido and orgasms. Partially, it is because they reduce stress, depression, and anxiety — which are all common after menopause.
Opt for Massage and Vibration Therapy
Regular stimulation improves circulation and vaginal lubrication. So, it might be a good idea to use a vibrator a couple of times a week. Choose one with a smooth surface that is long enough to reach the top of your vagina.
More Sex Might Be the Answer
More sex means a better blood flow and moisture in the vagina. For this reason, you should try to have intercourse more often once you feel up for it. You might find that being on top feels most comfortable. But don't be afraid to experiment with different poses as well.
That being said, if sex is just too painful, there are other kinds of sexual play you can try. Oral sex and masturbation are both great alternatives.
Prolong Foreplay
It may take a bit longer to become turned on after menopause. That's why foreplay is so important. More time spent kissing and touching can trigger your desire.
See a (Sex) Therapist
Sometimes lack of sexual desire is caused by mental health issues. Seeing a therapist can help you determine what causes your depression, anxiety, and lack of libido. If necessary, you can go to couples therapy to find ways to reconnect with your partner. Sex therapists can also offer great advice on rekindling the intimacy between you and your partner.
Talk to Your Partner
Communication is the key to every healthy relationship. So, just be honest with your partner and tell them that your libido has dropped and that sex is not very pleasant for you. Since penetrative sex is not the only option, you can work together to find a compromise.
Takeaway
Just like people, relationships change as they mature. That's why even the most compatible couples have to make some adjustments over time. After menopause, your mind, body, and libido will change, but that doesn't have to put a strain on your relationship. Simply talk to your partner and decide which of the options mentioned above you can try to have better sex.