Most Sex Ed classes I have taken had the following four points:
- If you have sex, you will get pregnancy
- If you have sex, you will get a nasty disease
- Wait until marriage to have sex
- Just don't have sex
Although some of these claims have truth in them, this is far from enough or even acceptable. There's just so much more to sex than just stern warnings, guilt tripping and shaming. What about pleasure, sex toys, consent, connection?
Maybe the problem is that the teachers focus only on the abstinence approach. By doing so, they try to scare kids into being careful. However, they also fail to tell young adults how to enjoy safe, healthy, and consensual sex. So, sadly, the list of things I didn't learn in SexEd is pretty long.
But better late than never, right? Here are some things you should know about sex that you seldom hear in classrooms.
1. You Can Give or Withdraw Consent at Any Time
Consent is about setting and respecting boundaries as well as good communication with your partner. And recently, there's been a lot of talk about how important it is to give and receive enthusiastic, verbal consent. But there's one more thing we need to stress here: you can give and withdraw consent any time you want.
That means if someone says yes to something, it doesn't mean yes to everything. So, ask for consent before every step.
2. You Can and Should Talk About Sex
We never learn to talk about our sexual preferences openly, share our fantasies, and ask our partners about theirs. In fact, this problem goes so deep that some people are too shy or ashamed to insist that their partners wear a condom.
What's even more worrying is that we don't feel comfortable enough to discuss sex with our doctors either. But questions like What is that weird rash or smell? or Why can't I get wet, become aroused, or ejaculate? are perfectly normal. What’s more, your doctor can actually help you with any of these problems.
So, talk about sex. It's not embarrassing or inappropriate — it's good and helpful.
3. Sex Takes Practice
It would have been so much easier if we were told that no one is good at sex right away and that having a body that is physically ready for sex doesn't mean you will know what to do. And it takes practice to learn how to make it enjoyable for you and your partner. So, it probably won't be that good the first time, but it will get better.
Read our article on Masturbation and its health benefits
4. There's More to Sex Than Just Genitals
In Sex Ed classes, we usually learn about reproductive organs, erection, penetration, and how babies come to be. And that is great, but it's not enough. True Sex Ed should teach young adults that sex is a whole-body experience.
We should learn early on about the importance of foreplay and your partner's feelings. Also, that acts like kissing, hugging, and touching are a huge part of sex. And that there are emotions behind the whole process. Furthermore, we should learn in school that sex can create a strong bond between two people.
That way, young adults will learn why people have sex and why it is so important.
5. The Basics of Safe Toy Play
With sex toys being widely used across all genders and ages, it's really odd that Sex Ed doesn't mention anything about how to use them safely. For example, you should never use sex toys made of cheap and toxic materials. Such materials can cause you serious health problems ranging from a simple rash to cancer.
Furthermore, you should always use separate toys for anal and vaginal play. Vaginal and anal holes have different sets of bacteria and enzymes. And, vaginas are very sensitive to any changes. No matter how much you clean your sex toys, some bacteria and yeast can get stuck in small pores in the material.
So, using the same toy can cause severe infections.
6. Porn Is Fun, But It's Not Realistic
While watching porn can be arousing and sexy, that's not what sex actually looks like. The problem is that it shapes some unrealistic expectations from a partner. For example, she probably won't like to swallow, and that pose with her legs up actually hurts her neck. Or, he really can't stay up and running for that long while supporting your weight and pounding you at the same time, he's going to get tired.
Sex Should Be Pleasurable and Fun
Sex is about having fun and enjoying the connection you have with your partner. It would be perfect if Sex Ed classes explained such things. For example, that men and women experience pleasure in different ways, but that both pleasures are equally important. It's sad that they don't.
However, as adults, we have the responsibility to inform ourselves about any given sex topic and share that knowledge with young adults in our life. In that way, we will make the world a better and safer place even if Sex Ed programs are lacking.