In non-heterosexual relationships, adult toys are almost always a given. However, in male-female romantic partnerships, the retentive attitude towards vibrators, nipple clamps, and dildos threatens to be the cause of conflict.
Embarrassment or anxiety are two emotions that are often associated with sensitive conversations like how to introduce sex toys into a relationship. But let's face it - adult toys have a different vibe entirely.
Whether you've used them before or are looking to dip your toe in the proverbial pool, there's no denying that they give intense, well-deserved orgasms.
So, how do you have a potentially disastrous conversation about using adult toys with your lover? We’ve got you. While you cannot predict their reaction, these tips will help you present the suggestion more appealingly.
Having the Conversation
If you’re interested in asking your partner to use a sex toy with you, then this is a conversation that you must lead. Here are some tips to help you make the best of your discussion:
Be on Your Side
It's the 21st century, but there's still an unspoken repression towards unconventional pleasure. The fear of being judged is common. While worrying about what your lover might think is valid, allowing the conversation's outcome to overshadow your identity is not.
Let’s face it - adult toys guarantee an orgasm. There’s no denying that they make every woman feel intense pleasure. So, root for yourself before starting this conversation.
There’s no shame or abnormality in wanting to experience such intense feelings with your significant other. In dating or marriage, your cause and the way you feel are valid.
Be Cautious
Ensure your self-esteem is optimal, and don't downplay your partner's self-esteem. Be open and polite about the feedback you give to your soulmate about your sexual life before starting the conversation.
Do It At the Right Time
In new and long-term relationships, there are appropriate and inappropriate times to talk about adult toys. For instance, you may not hear from a new flame if you suggest it after the first few dates.
Also, experts say during or after making love may be the worst time to initiate the conversation as this might make your lover feel like they are not enough. Instead, it will be an ideal conversation during a dinner date (not the first date) or a relaxing hangout with your partner.
For a new relationship, the best time to talk about sex toys is at the start of the relationship. However, ensure that your self-esteem is optimal (be on your side) and don't downplay your partner's self-esteem.
Be open and polite about the feedback you give to your partner about your sex life before starting the conversation about using adult toys.
So, while there's generally no optimal time to talk about it, evaluate your partner's mood, external circumstances, and level of interest in you and the relationship before bringing it up.
Talk About the Hard Stuff
If your partner is open to talking about the benefits of vibrators (and dildos) in a relationship, then please go all the way. First, reassure them - a lot of people (men) think vibrators and suckers are there to replace them.
You want to be sure he isn’t thinking he’s not enough for you. Then, you’ll want to bring up the difficult conversations that could arise while exploring this part of your fantasies.
To ensure the passionate lovemaking in your relationship never ends, keep having the awkward conversations.
Remember, they only feel weird because they're new. Much of the tension will disappear as you ease into the conversation.
Never Force the Idea
The idea of bringing pleasure-heightening peripherals into the bedroom is one that your partner should welcome willingly. Never force it. If they are not comfortable talking about using vibrators and dildos, then you may shelve the conversation for now.
That doesn't mean you're giving up. Instead, focus on easing your lover into non-vanilla escapades.
At a later time, you can bring up the idea to see how receptive he has gotten.
Now, here are the things you shouldn’t do:
- Give an ultimatum
- Play mind games
- Insist
- Spring the vibrator or dildo on them even after they say no
Be Open to Their Contribution
Suppose your partner likes the idea of bringing sex toys to the bedroom, great. Remember, while you'll likely be choosing the ones you like, involve them actively in the process. Accept their input and opinions and make them feel like a big part of the process.
You don't want your partner to think you're slowly replacing them, even if that's something you'd never even consider. Avoid being self-centred and engage your lover in this conversation.
Keep an open mind and follow your partner's flow. Listen to their opinion and don't overreact if they say they’re not interested.
But again, if they welcome the suggestion, don’t overwhelm them. Take things slowly and ensure you choose the best sex toys to spice up relationships.
Don’t Overwhelm Your Partner
Remember, your partner is likely new to having sex toys in the relationship. While you may have dabbled with some vibrating wands or dildos, your lover has had minimal or zero experience.
Therefore, the last thing you want to do is choose something as outrageous as a monster dildo. The idea is to improve your sex life without making your partner feel inadequate, insecure, and easily replaceable.
It's best to start with something adorable and non-threatening. Avoid flesh-coloured and flamboyant designs if you want to buy the best relationship sex toys.
The Benefits of Sex Toys in a Relationship
There’s often a misconception that sex toys are for solo play or adults without a partner. However, the truth is that they're for maximising pleasure. When you overcome the stigma associated with these silicon and flesh-textured gadgets, these benefits are sure to follow:
Double to Triple the Pleasure
Studies have shown that 4% of women orgasm from penetration, while 96% climax from clitoral stimulation. The origin of the orgasm gap can be attributed to the fact that the clitoris and penis are made from the same tissues. Therefore, they require a similar degree of stimulation, most of which isn't present in routine heterosexual sex.
The orgasm gap, especially for women, can easily be filled by using a sex toy. Bringing in a bullet or rose vibrator is a way to guarantee the absolute satisfaction of both parties.
So, what’s in it for your partner? When placed lightly on the tip of the penis, perineum, and balls, it yields maximum pleasure.
You and your lover can take turns enjoying the unending and consistent orgasms that are around the corner when you allow sex toys into your bedroom.
Better Intimacy
Introducing something like a sex toy is a great way to improve the intimacy in your relationship.
Picture this - you and your significant other have broached the sensitive and unacknowledged topic of adult toys. Your intimacy will be more profound than ever because conversations like this require vulnerability and trust.
Therefore, talking about sexy toys doesn't only show that you are in a healthy relationship where you can have sensitive conversations openly. It also allows you to connect to your lover intimately.
Exploring Fantasies
While dating, there's nothing more titillating than the idea of exploring your partner's sexual fantasies with them. You'll likely enjoy yourself, especially when the quest involves an adult toy. Now you have broken the barrier of curiosity; you know your lover's sexual fantasies, including their preferred toy.
Spice and Variety
Long-term relationships thrive on routines outside the bedroom. But when sex life lacks variety, it ruins attraction. Behind closed doors, you'll want to introduce some zest and variety now and then.
Using sex toys with your partner, even if you have been with them for years, will make you feel like you only started dating recently. With multiple options of toys to choose from, your sexual explorations will be endless because there will always be a new toy to take you to the next level of pleasure.
Improves Sex Life for Long Distance Relationships
Sex toys can keep the sex life in your long-distance relationship alive. A good vibrator and your partner on the line can make a distance of 50,000 miles feel nonexistent.
Considering adult sex toys for long distance relationships is one way online dating thrives. Shop long distance relationship sex toys to stay intimately connected with the person you love, even if you’re not in the same city.
Conclusion
Communication is the most essential key to success in a relationship. You need to learn how to address topics that could be interpreted as weird, like telling your partner you want to try out a vibrator.
Follow these tips without too much deviation, and you’ll broach the subject of sex toys in the bedroom like a pro. Get the best first vibrator if you’re ready to embark on a journey of unending pleasure for two.