One of the more challenging parts of being a parent is that you’re often too busy to…well, get busy. While raising kids is a joy that is unmatched, balancing a sex life and parenting is never easy. If you’re looking for new ways to keep the spark alive, look no further. In this post, we’re exploring strategies for prioritizing your sex life and maintaining intimacy as a busy parent. 

Why Prioritizing Your Sex Life Matters

If you’re reading this and thinking “who has time for sex??” keep reading - we promise it will be worth it. When you hardly have time to work, get everyone fed and shuttled around, and try to get a little shut-eye, sex can feel like a complete afterthought. However, for a strong relationship that is the foundation of your entire family dynamic, it’s important to make your partner (and intimacy with them) a priority. 

According to Pew Research, most modern parents say parenting is turning out to be “harder than they thought”. In particular, a whopping 30% of mothers say parenting has been “a lot harder” than they were prepared for. That reality, combined with the usual fluctuation of a relationship and the glow of a honeymoon period wearing off, mean it’s not surprising that sex starts to suffer. 

If sex has fallen to the bottom of your must-do’s and now feels like just another to-do on a long list, don’t beat yourself up. There’s a natural ebb and flow that comes with raising a family, and peaks and valleys in sexuality are normal. However, if you let the valleys stretch too long, they can fundamentally change your relationship with your partner. That’s because sex has tangible benefits for couples. Without it, you’re definitely missing out on some of the highlights of being in a relationship. 

Research shows that sex provides real-life benefits to couples, but just how much depends on the individuals in the relationship. An active sex life has been linked to positive health changes like lower blood pressure and reduced stress. Sexual activity is also linked to greater intimacy and even a lower divorce rate. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to how much sex is enough, but feeling satisfied with your sex life can help with several elements of a healthy romantic relationship, such as: 

• Feeling closer to your partner
• Showing (and receiving) more affection with your partner
• Having fun
• A desire to have children
• Feeling confident and desirable
• Relieving stress

We all know there’s only so much time in a day. The drudgery of car pool, cooking, cleaning, and office life doesn’t do much to set the mood. That being said, if you can shift your mindset about sex, it will pay dividends. That’s because sex IS an essential part of most healthy relationships, and a healthy relationship is important for secure, stable kids. If you want to create the happiest home for your children, make it a point to get in some bedroom time with your partner. Set aside the guilt that can come when you choose yourself and your own pleasure over productivity. The truth is that long term, your entire family will thank you for it. Each time you engage in a satisfying sexual encounter with your partner, you’re laying another brick in the strong foundation of your family. 

6 Tips for Prioritizing Your Sex Life

Ok, so sex is really important. You’ve probably heard this before and maybe know it deep down. That doesn’t change the number of hours in the day, or the fact that it’s easy to feel touched-out and tired as a parent. Try these tips to get your mind and body into the right space. It can take time, but you can become not only more receptive to sex, but desirous of it - which is a win for everyone. 

• 1. Focus on communication.

This one should come as no surprise, since few things are as important in a relationship as communication. Talk to your partner about your needs, desires, and concerns. What’s holding you back from having more sex - honestly? Sharing openly is the first step to improving the frequency and quality of sexual encounters. 

• 2. Schedule intimate time.

It doesn’t sound sensual, but playing sex secretary has its advantages. Consider setting aside some dedicated time for sexual activity. Treat it as a priority as you would any other important commitment. You wouldn’t stand your boss up for a weekly meeting, would you? View this appointment the same way. It can be a regular date night, a monthly night away, or even a long lunch with extra fun every other Tuesday. Whatever it is, show your partner they are your priority by keeping the appointment. If it’s been a while since you’ve been intimate, don’t feel like you have to jump into sex. Maybe just plan for some flirting and a makeout session, or sleep naked when the kids are away for the night. Don’t put pressure on yourselves, but commit to making your scheduled time physical and focused on just you two. 

• 3. Share household responsibilities.

A chasm in domestic responsibilities is a huge contributing factor to lackluster sex lives. Your partner needs to have the opportunity to feel sexy, and that can be hard when they are always in mom mode or on dad duty. Make sure that your household and parenting commitments are divided as evenly as possible, so that each partner gets more free time. Delegate tasks to others, get support from family or friends, or hire help if you can. The bottom line is that you need to feel well-rested and like yourself if you want to share your body with another person. 

 

• 4. Create personal boundaries.

This one can be really hard, because our culture tells us  that we need to be completely accessible. But the truth is, we don’t - and we shouldn’t be. Establish boundaries to protect your time and personal space. That might involve setting limits on work schedules, declining other commitments, turning off electronic devices for quality time, etc. It’s a good idea to put a “no interruptions” policy into place during time with your partner. That might only be possible between 9 pm and 10 pm, for example, but you’re much more likely to indulge in fun and flirting - and maybe even taking things further - when other people can’t reach you and you can focus. 

• 5. Be flexible.

At the end of the day, the demands of parenting can simply be unpredictable. There’s only so much you can do about that, so it’s a smart idea to accept that reality and work within it. Be flexible with your expectations and adaptable when needed. This will force you to look for other small ways to be intimate throughout the day, as time allows. An extra-long goodbye kiss before work, a butt pat while washing dishes, or a hand-hold while driving are all simple ways to be physical - and being more physical is one of the first steps toward actually wanting your partner more.

 

• 6. Don’t go it alone.

You don’t bake a cake without the necessary equipment, right? Just like you can’t do your job well without the proper tools. Think of sex the same way and don’t be afraid to bring in some extra support to spice things up. Using sex toys and other accessories can be a really powerful way to enhance intimacy, fun, and excitement in a sexual relationship. If you’re not sure where to start, begin with some sexual wellness products that are designed to enhance healthy intimacy. We suggest the Essentials bundle that comes with 3 must-haves for any pleasure-seeker’s collection, including Eros, our sleek palm-sized vibe. The products have whisper quiet motors and sleek designs made from sustainable materials. Plus, they are backed by our Pleasure Promise, where if you are unsatisfied after 100 days, you can return and try another product. 

 

It’s not easy to prioritize your sex life when raising a family - but most things that are worth doing are challenging. Commit to yourself and your partner to start enjoying the pleasure you deserve, and sex can move from your to-do list onto your must-have list.